A Virus, A Pandemic, A Ramble

Ramble Ramble. It’s a gorgeous day outside. The sun is up, the winds are mostly gone. I have daffodils blooming on the front banks of my lawn. The lawn itself could use some care, but that’s not likely to happen anytime soon.

Ramble ramble. It’s been about 5 weeks now that we are in a state of pandemic because of the SARS-Cov2 virus that causes the Covid-19 illness. Where I live is one of the pandemic centers, with more than 23 thousand cases and over 800 deaths. Hubby is immunocompromised, so we have been really careful. We don’t go anywhere except the grocery store with masks and gloves, and we make sure to clean everything in the house. So far, we are healthy (at least as far as the Virus goes).

Ramble. But it’s a very thin line between keeping safe and being immensely depressed. I’m not working, having been let-go from the part time job I held just as this mess was getting going. I tried applying for unemployment, but that’s not likely to get anywhere anytime soon, with everyone else out of work too. I’m grateful for hubby’s being a teacher who can work online from home and still receive his full salary. We can afford groceries and pay our bills, but we aren’t spending anything extra. Whatever we have in savings may have to pay bills down the road.

Ramble. Depression is. I cannot go anywhere, see friends, interact with people other than hubby. I miss chatting over crafts, laughing over movies, being snarky over drinks. I miss actually seeing people in person. Video chats via Google Hangout or Meeting don’t do it. I refuse to use ZOOM after all the fuss about trolls getting in. I have Discord for some interaction, but it can only do so much.

Ramble. I take my meds, don’t get me wrong there. Thank goodness I can. And I make Space Mom proud every day. Yes, I will live to piss off the patriarchy another day.

Ramble ramble. I’m sitting staring out at the daffodils. And the lawn. There’s still lots of twigs and branches leftover from storms a couple of weeks ago. I could theoretically go out and pick them up. But I can only do that for maybe half an hour before my joints go ‘screw you, you need to sit down’. And then I would need a few hours of rest. What’s the best use of my limited spoons today?

Ramble ramble. Mumble. Cry. Rinse. Repeat.

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